Monday, July 26, 2010

Me and Winnie the Pooh

While growing up, I loved to read the Dallas Times Herald.

It was the evening edition and delivered every afternoon just prior to Dad returning from work. When he finished it, I loved to read the really important parts like the horoscope, the word jumble, the comics, and the biorhythm chart. You were supposed to be able to plot your physical, intellectual, as well as emotional cycles on this chart, which as a teenager, I needed all the help I could get.

When the Times Herald quit publication, all the really good parts were absorbed into the Dallas Morning News, except the biorhythms! Obviously they did not know they left out the best part!

Lately I could have guessed my biorhythms were off, IF I believed in things like that! Before I started writing this, I googled biorhythms and inserted my birthday to see if the universe agreed that I was in the doldrums. I must say, according to their chart, I have hit an all time low on ALL THREE!

OK, so I don't believe any of it, but wanted some excuse for how I have been feeling. I have had a cold that I cannot seem to get rid of. I feel like the kid who always needs a tissue, whose eyes are a little crusty, and whose head is full of fluff. Nothing I take seems to stop it and most medicines that might provide any relief make you sleep.

This would be fine, but there is a little something I have to go to five days a week, called work and work has been, well I don't want to exaggerate, but it has been torturous, so I need to be on my best game, but instead feel like a sloth. Or maybe that giant sea creature that lives in the water around Florida, whose name I should know but when thinking with a brain of fluff, can't remember!

Usually I can respond quickly to any decision that needs to be made, yes, no, over there, day after tomorrow, we'll do it in August, order six of them, call him back after lunch, e=mc2, i before e except after c! And when all else fails, I excuse myself for a quick trip to my phone booth (which says restroom on the door, but if you need to change into your super hero outfit, it should be a phone booth) and can come back in with brilliance that even awes my sister, Lisa. OK, I am kidding, but you get the point. But for the last few weeks instead I am laboring under each and every decision, (I'll have water, no tea, no coffee, no juice, no water, yes ice, no make it hot, no, add lemon), doubting my gut instincts on things, and flailing as the leader, not failing, but really flailing, and unable to find a path to lead my troops through.

First I felt like the summer had just been much more than I anticipated with my nieces and our musical guest from HE double hockey sticks and the heat, but then I decided I came into the summer exhausted from the community garden and all the activities for the girls, especially with the long drive, several times a day.

So all of this is leading up to a point.

Normally I don't use my blog to have a pity party, but wanted to set the stage properly and trust me, I am on a roll for this party of pity for one!

For some reason, I go to the same doctor that my parents do. He specializes in older adults, so maybe I thought I would be there from the beginning! Get to know him before I can't remember his name. I don't know. But he has become so popular, you even have to leave a message to try to make an appointment and then they only call you back when you are in your phone booth/restroom or trying to have "THE" talk with your daughter, or catching a flea on your dog! NEVER when it is convenient for you!

When it came time to refill my asthma medications, I was told I MUST come for a physical, as it had been several years. Yikes! OK, so after several times of playing phone tag, I set up an appointment, but completely forget to get the blood work done so I had to play phone tag again to reschedule it. With my insurance, I have to go to a clinic for blood work, and with all that is going on at work, just do not seem to remember until after drinking that first sip of a triple tall Americana, with a little cream, that seems to be the only thing that can cure the fluff out of my brain for a short amount of time. And those people who take your blood are really picky about your drinking a heavily caffeinated beverage with cream and sweet and low in it! Go figure!

So I called his office and explained I did not have the blood work done, but really was sick and tired of being sick and tired and they agreed to let me come during the time my physical was supposed to be, even though basically that was against the rules, but would not let me have the physical and I could only discuss my "ailments". Honest to gosh, that is what she told me.

Now anyone who has ever worked with or for me knows that if something is to exist, it must be on my outlook calendar. I cannot guarantee I will remember anything that is not on there. I dutifully put my doctor's appointment on it, checked several times that I knew the correct day and time, even opened it today to ensure what time I was to be there, and set the reminder.

As I was digging through a stack on my desk, the phone rang and it was a woman with whom Mom and Dad have been participating in an Alzheimer's study for years. No, even though they are nutty, they do not have Alzheimer's, but because many of their family members have, they are of great interest to those doing research. Once a year they go through a battery of tests and then I am called and interviewed to insure they haven't tricked the system. I knew Kristen had tried to reach me several times and I was watching the clock and saw that I could answer what she needed and still make it to the doctor in plenty of time. When we hung up, I ran to the doctor's office, where on the way I was stopped a couple of times by people needing directions, but I had my list of "ailments"  in hand so I would not forget anything, and slid into home base, his office.

The girl at the desk asked me my name.

I told her. I thought it might be confusing because Dad had been in there earlier.

She told me I was late and I apologized, as I did end up a few minutes late.

She said my appointment was 15 minutes earlier.

No, I promise it was not. I am only 5 minutes late.

No, it was 15 minutes ago.

OK, well, I am here now, so ....

Well you are 15 minutes LATE!

For some reason I became quite the toddler, or is it a teen, and argued back, NO I AM ONLY 5 MINUTES LATE.

This is a doctor for whom I have waited, no kidding, up to TWO HOURS to see! So I did not feel too badly for being 5 minutes late, which I pointed out to her.

She told me to have a seat and she would have to talk to the nurse.

After a considerable wait, she told me that I would be put at the end of ALL his patients and could see him ONLY after he finished seeing everyone else that might come in that was the best they could do under the circumstances because I WAS 15 MINUTES LATE!!!!!

I am standing there with a head so full of fluff that I feel like Winnie the Pooh, my elbows hurt, where I think I have had shingles for a couple of weeks, my knee feels like a nail is being poked into it, and I cannot raise my arm without some really serious pain, and she is reprimanding me for being late and that was the best she could do or I could reschedule and then the office manager jumps up and chimes in that I was late and I would JUST HAVE To wait because it is my fault and not theirs and I should have known I was 15 minutes late because I had an appointment that was supposed to be a physical, which they do at 15 after the hour, not half past the hour blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.....

By this time, the tears have welled up in my eyes, and I begin to exit before I lose my last shred of dignity from my berating, at which time they quickly begin to back paddle ( or is it pedal?) and say they might can work something out.....

For a brief second, I considered putting my tail between my legs, begging for forgiveness in my gross neglect and oversight, and pleading for the chance to see the much revered doctor, but instead opted for a very small shred of dignity, with the painful elbows, knee, and shoulder and the head full of fluff and left.

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