I think that I have forgotten how to go to sleep.
100 years ago, I had a boyfriend who played bridge, wild one that he was, on Thursday nights. I would catch myself sitting up, hoping he would call when he got home, so I would rarely go to sleep before really late on those nights. A side note, rarely would he call....
The next boyfriend was much more prompt and would call each night to tell me good night and then again, first thing in the morning to wake me up.
But when I became a mom, he decided he did not like waiting for me to put Grace to bed before he could talk to me, among so many other issues, so those "signals" to go to sleep and wake up are gone.
Then as a mom, I realized that I sleep much too soundly to wake up if my children need me. During the short stint that Jana, my sister, and her daughters, Gillian and Darcey stayed with me, I learned first hand the importance of being a light sleeper. Even though I was sleeping in Grace's little twin bed, before her adoption, I fell asleep like a rock, and when Jana burst into my room telling me I had to wake up and help her, I felt dazed and confused until I got the first whiff of throw up!
Thankfully I have not had a repeat of that with my own girls! And I should realize that my girls probably won't need me during the night!
So with the addition of kids to my nightly ritual, checking email doesn't happen until late. And I am sure if I don't check my work email before going to bed, that some dreadful thing will hit me first thing at work!
Tonight though, something caught my eye on Facebook. There was a notice about a memorial service for a little baby tomorrow night. It gave the link to the mother's blog and I cannot stop thinking about this family. I don't know them, but evidently the beautiful daughter who is chronicled day after day on her mother's blog died suddenly last week. The pure, undulated joy this beautiful baby brought to her mother and family makes the loss even more traumatic.
And so all the problems that seemed so big when I started trying to wind down tonight are quickly put into perspective in reading about this family's loss.
My sweet girls are sound asleep with their two stinky dogs in there protecting them. I want to go in and wake them up and hold them, but I won't, but I will ask you to say a prayer for the family of Margot Rose Miller.