Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Dear Walt....

Dear Walt Disney,

I know you are gone, but you keep hounding me. Please leave me alone. I have enough stress as it is without you constantly reminding me that it would be a GREAT family vacation to take my group to Disney World! I know you are offering 25% off but that really doesn't help.

You see, I am very busy.

I have subscribed to a number of websites that are teaching me to be a great parent, not a good one, but a great one, because we all know I am extremely competitive and if there is a prize to be given, by gum, I will work my tail off to win it and obviously, there must be or there could not possibly be that many websites telling me how to do it!

The only trouble is, I have so many emails, I can't get through them all to absorb the brilliance they are willing to share!

So I subscribed to some of the websites that will help me control my time, manage it is the usual word, but I think that managing time must be very similar to trying to manage liquid mercury or as my friend puts it, herding cats. I try, I honestly do, and I have great intentions, but I continue to fail.

Oh I am behind on those emails too but I think that is because I am trying to plan the most delicious, nutritious meals for my family, and so I have subscribed to some websites that will shoot me a recipe on a regular basis that is quick and easy and most of all nutritious. I know my family needs good nutrition, but really, all I want for dinner are some fritos and bean dip and a coke. It used to be my go to meal when I had a bad day. Now I recognize the fat content will clog up my arteries and the sugar from the coke will put me at risk of diabetes, so I will comb through your brilliant essays on easy meals but it is beginning to stress me out, trying to balance organic with my budget, easy with prepared, nutritious, with tasty. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who can make it happen, but it is just making me feel like a failure, so I have subscribed to some websites that will provide me with a minute of meditation, or deep thoughts, like they used to have on Saturday Night Live.

I believe the meditation people are right, slow down my breathing will help me clear my head, but sometimes the very minute I try to slow down my breathing is the exact instant the dogs begin to bark and warn me of some dangerous predator like a squirrel, so I fail at that also.

Because I need to provide the most warm and comfortable house, Lowes, Good Housekeeping, Real Simple, Home Depot all want to help me achieve my goal and bless their hearts, they have some great ideas and love to send them to me and so I have started a folder on things to do as soon as I get the nutritious meal prepared after completing my meditation.

Of course I am missing one of the most elemental needs of a good family, and that is family time! Not just sitting around laughing at a TV show together, we are supposed to be doing any number of the very worthy projects from Family Fun magazine, the various museums, much less the fun we are supposed to have with our dogs that Rachael Ray will help us plan!

But to do any of these things takes money, so I have started subscribing to all the "group" coupon offers and actually bought quite a few. The only trouble is, now I can't find which group I bought the coupons from and it is stressing me out to think I wasted my money trying to save money to have a good time!!!

So Walt, if you could just back off on the commercials, the emails, the banners at the top of my email page, I would really appreciate it. I have got to go buy the nutritious elements to prepare a fast, nutritious meal so we can have family time with our dogs while saving money in our warm and comfy home and still have time to pay the bills!

Your friend, Jerri

P.S. Walt, 25% off, really?? I mean, we are old friends. Surely you can do better than that! Free is the favorite price! I'm just saying....

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