Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tears and fears

Annabel's Earthquake proof home that included landscaping!

Grace's earthquake proof home that included curtains in the windows. Very sound structurally!

The other night the girls had just completed their earthquake proof homes for their science projects. I was so impressed with what they had done that I was in the middle of taking pictures of how they had incorporated the material they had learned about making a structure earthquake proof and then the extra touches Annabel put on hers like the flowers and the wind turbine, when Grace came in to tell me that Annabel was crying.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have really been trying to look at some things that have been consuming us, financially, emotionally, mentally, and overall just eating up our time.

When I went in to check on Annabel, to see why she was crying, it precipitated my decisions on changes that needed to be made.

Annabel was crying so hard she could not tell me what was wrong.

Partly I knew she was too tired. They had worked on designing these homes for over a week and then building them the next. Because they wanted theirs to be "above average" (my words) it took longer to complete the project and bedtime was compromised.

BUT when she could finally catch her breath, she gasped out that she was afraid she was going to fail.

Fail? On the science project? No way!!

No she insisted, not the science project.

I began to guess what she thought she was going to fail at and it finally came out that she was afraid she was fail 7th grade, high school, college, and overall, life.

Wow! This from a child who spent the first 11 years of her life being shuttled from an orphanage to foster care, who brings so much joy to everyone she knows, who constantly puts others before herself, ok, I can just go on and on.

But her concern about failure worries me and makes me know she needs more of me, right now. 

It is a very fine line for me, trying to help her build up her confidence, learn English, do homework, maintain discipline, and help her believe she is loved.

But I feel like we are facing a very critical phase for Annabel, where she has to "get it" right now before school gets any more difficult, where her ego can be built up, or otherwise we will be facing major discipline problems very quickly. PLUS it is just time for her to be loved. I know I keep saying that, but I worry that is part of what she does not "get". There have been so many people in her life and I am guessing they have promised to love her, but none of it has lasted. And when you are 13 life is rough enough without all the extra baggage.

So I continue to look for ways to cut back on all the distractions and be able to focus on what is important. It is so frustrating dealing with trying to end some of these distractions. I keep trying to focus on my goal and know that I can take a little beating up because Annabel deserves/needs me more than anything dished out to me.

An end note on Annabel's progress - I got an email from the principal asking for my presence at an awards ceremony on academic performance for Friday. Guess whose getting an award? Yep! Annabel!!!

1 comment:

  1. OK. Quit making me cry. I am so proud of you, Jerri Mama! And proud of Annabel, too. (Grace, too!)

    You are aware of so much. But, the things that happen without your specific attention and thought will happen, too. They just will. And, it will all come together just perfectly.