Thursday, December 23, 2010

Merry Christmas from Annabel's concert!

Merry Christmas! From Annabel's band concert. She is hard to spot as she is behind the conductor, but wearing a Santa hat and a white dress! More later!
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Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I have learned some important things about being a mom.

First and foremost, you are pretty sure you are a better at what you do in your role as mom than almost anyone else. Honestly, Moms, do you ever look at what someone else is doing and think, Wow! I wish I was that kind of mom? Now you might wish you prepared a meal like a certain mom, sewed, danced, dressed, but rarely ever would you trade your kids for theirs. Now that is not to say your children are perfect and you will be the first to admit it, but you know in your heart of hearts that you are doing such a great job that your children are better than the neighbor's, the cousin's, the playgroup friend, or the church member. You are proud of your children and know that you have done a great job as a mother.

Second, you doubt ability of being a mom, being a good mom,  not even trying for great, almost all the time. Rarely is there a day that something doesn't happen that makes you think you are up for worst mother of the year award. Whether it is a bad grade on your child's test, a pouting spell, a temper tantrum, or any of the other "human" things that make our children human and less than perfect. At that point, you are sure you could have done better, you should have known how to react when your child's bottom lip was dragging so low that they were in danger of tripping over it, you should have made them study more to avoid that bad grade, you should have checked your bad day at the door before tackling a disagreement between siblings, there are millions of ways that you could be a better mom. There are just so many things we need to do to be better mothers so our children can have a better lives. Any failure of theirs is a direct reflection of us as failures as moms.

Third, we are always looking for ways to improve what we do, through advice, magazines, yahoo groups, almost everyone except non moms! If that wasn't true, there would not be half the magazines, advice columns, and all the formats that will help us be the best mom in the world so our children's lives will be perfect!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Sweet memories

This morning I was struck by a strong memory when I heard my coffee pot brewing.

Odd thing memories.

I was talking about this same thing with an older man at work recently. He is still grieving the loss of his wife and we talked about how just walking down a hall you are suddenly struck with a memory eeither from a sound, a word, a smell, memories that you had forgotten, but reappear so quickly with no warning.

We were having company for lunch so I got up early trying to get a head start on the day. I was standing there chopping up vegetables when my coffee maker started and I was immediately transposed to a much younger age in my bedroom that was across the hall from the door to the kitchen, hearing Mom and Dad having breakfast with their usual cup of coffee, and Dad listening to the radio.

And with this memory it brought back what was important in my childhod: it was not what we had or had not, it was that whole sense of security knowing that every morning my parents would be in the kitchen enjoying a cup of coffee while eating breakfast and listening to the radio. And they were there if I needed them. I loved this so much that I would cry at night dreading when things would change. OK, I was a weird kid.

In one of my recent posts I wrote quite candidly about my concerns that my girls seemed ok and really was worried about what we faced in the future.

Many of you wrote to tell me not to worry about the future and while that is easier said than done, the memory recalled this morning brings home the point that not everything has to be perfect to make for a good childhood. Mine was not perfect, but it was secure and I know that is all I can offer my girls, the rest takes time to realize.

Another thing that happened recently was Annabel's 2nd ever Christmas concert. Her group's participation last year was really short and well, it was their first concert, so you know. But this year they have really improved and I was so proud of her and all the other students that I was clapping until my hands hurt, and that's when I looked around at all the other mothers. They too were clapping, as hard as they could, trying to make sure their children knew how proud they were of them. It did not matter that the Christmas songs had nothing to do with their religion or their heritage, it was their children and they were proud. I love the school my girls go to because of their ethnic diversity and it is great to see that moms are moms no matter what!

I'm not promising that I won't worry about the future for my girls, because I also know that is part of being a mom, so know I am trying but I can't guarantee anything.