Monday, August 12, 2013

Real fear

Tonight one of my daughters finally admitted some of the things she has been worried about and causing her a great deal of fear. I sat there listening carefully but the whole time, on one level thinking, "My poor child has been through so much. I'm sure this has caused her to have these fears, irrational fears, but still fears." but on another level getting really worried about how can I, as the mom, help her get past all of this.

When I had a few more minutes to think about it, I started wondering if the fears were as a result of being adopted or if this was something that all children go through. From there, I started wondering if I should post this to one of my adoption groups and get feedback from other parents who had adopted and see if they were dealing with the same thing. Then I thought, maybe I need to go back to our social worker and ask her, but then I remembered a local authority on adoption and her series about whether certain behaviors were just part of aging or if it truly was because of the adoption. My mind went from there to wondering just what could I possibly do?

So at this point, my brain is on overdrive trying to sort through and catalog my best resources so my child can be "normal". But then I started thinking about when I was a child and whether I had any irrational fears. Thankfully  I did not because everything I feared was truly possible.

To show you just how possible my fears were, a big one, for a long time, was the knowledge and certainty that my troll doll could become alive and kill all of us. I know for a fact that happened more than once in homes of one of my cousin's friend's sister's next door neighbor's brother's house.

Then when I was 18 I saw the movie The Exorcist. Now, you might think that is just a movie, but my bedroom looked exactly like hers to the point that I knew the devil was certainly trolling for more bedrooms exactly like that one and that I was at high risk of being possessed by the devil. If I had not gone on an extended mission trip during that summer, I would probably still be sleeping on my sister's floor because I was too scared to sleep in my own bed.

Then when I was 19 and going off to college, at a Christian university, I realized I was at a high risk of being kidnapped by a terrorist group or a cult, just like Patty Davis was. I knew I was vulnerable and would be the first choice to be kidnapped, even though our family did not include any millionaire newspaper publishers.

The more I thought about my own fears, the more I realized fears are a pretty normal part of growing up (yes, I was still working on growing up at 19) and at the time I experienced them, would have argued as strongly as she did, that they could possibly come true. Shoo, I am so thankful to lose one of my fears of being a good enough mom that can raise "normal" kids because I have plenty more where that one came from!

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