Thursday, September 26, 2013

Learning to drive

Prior to becoming a parent, this is what I thought had me fully prepared to be the best parent in the world:

  • Babysitting, which led to
  • Kindergarten/Elementary teacher, which coincided with
  • being an aunt, followed by
  • a Masters Degree in counseling.

I had all the bases covered and was well prepared and skilled in being a parent, no training required, just throw me into the role.

Since becoming a parent, I now realize that none of that and even all of that, does not prepare you to be a parent. If you are like me, you even visualized certain parts of your children growing up and how you would handle those situations when they arose.

If you are not a parent, I hate to break the news, that whatever that image of how you would handle certain life events, probably will never happen.

One recent example of how my expectations failed considerably is drivers training. Mind you, this is just one.

When I took drivers ed in high school, we initially went through a classroom, then even had a driving simulator, followed by the ever important - behind the wheel class. I well remember that first day of behind the wheel and the boy who bragged so loudly about his skill almost killing all of us when he could not figure out how to hold the steering wheel parallel. I don't recall the instructor screaming or even acting scared. But the ever important part, that still exists, is the time, behind the wheel with your parent, as you implement all you have learned from your instructors. I remember driving my mother, from the Minyards on Fort Worth Ave down Colorado to home and her mentioning, nonchalantly, it would be a good idea for me to check my speed. Oh, ok, so while looking down at the speedometer, I veered into the oncoming traffic and my mother, very calmly again, remarking, that I also should keep my eye on the road and develop the ability to "glance" at the speedometer, rather than focusing just on the dashboard. Again, no screaming, just a very calm admonition as I veered straight into the path of an oncoming car.

Fast forward.

My daughters are both old enough to have their learner's permit. I knew I was prepared to teach them to drive, because of not only my credentials outlined above but also because my mom was the "mom instructor" extraordinaire, but I opted to pay for a driving class so they would have the benefit of an instructor like I had. I knew when my time came to be the "mom instructor", I would be the type of parent my mother was and calmly admonish them ONLY when absolutely necessary.

At the beginning of summer, I let them try it out. I even chronicled it here in my blog. Even though my initial attempts at instructor did not meet my pre-conceived ideas of "mom instructor", I was sure that after they took their driving lessons that I would rise to the gauntlet of "mom instructor" that my mother had passed onto me.

Oh my goodness, I hate to admit, but I have failed miserably.

All of my preconceived ideas of how I would be as the ever patient, kind, nurturing "mom instructor" have now vanished and instead been replaced by raving maniac. Just backing out of the driveway, I've caught my heartbeat racing, my neck spinning to look from side to side, and then this voice, that sounds nothing like a nurturer, saying quickly and loudly, "Not so fast!" or "Pull straight back!" or "Did you look both ways?" and even "Be careful! Don't hit that car!" all the time knowing that none of those scenarios are likely to happen, yet being completely unable to control my gut reaction.

I hate to say, but even after completing all their classroom training and behind the wheel instruction, while their ability has improved considerably, mine, as the "mom instructor" continues to fail.

Part of what I had not visualized when contemplating this series of events, was a key element, their very patient grandfather. Dad has taken my girls driving so much more than I have and they come back with their egos intact and spirits lifted. They finally admitted to me that I made them nervous but with Dad, they don't feel that way. He lets them drive his brand new Mini-Cooper on streets with 6 lanes, has them change lanes, and never once has freaked out when he really thought there was a chance that they might take out the tree in the middle of their front yard. Thanks to Dad, there is actually a chance that they will become licensed drivers!

Thank goodness for My Sandwich Life!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Happy 9th anniversary

Nine years ago, you walked into my life and my world changed completely. At that moment, the life I thought was good, became great. God saved you for me and for that I thank Him every day.

You started the day as Hong Hao Yuan Jie and ended it as Grace Yuan Jie Locke.

You opened the door for so many other kids who needed families. When they saw you and heard your story, they too, chose to adopt an older child.

You never cease to amaze me - your compassion, your strength, your determination, your love. You make me look forward to the future so I can witness the amazing person you are becoming.

Thank you for being my daughter.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Motherhood teaches me another lesson!

My last post might have seemed like I was complaining, but I truly wasn't. I recognize that all of these experiences do not last very long. And, although I thought I had a good handle on this role of parent, I found out this summer, I do not.

I have watched as moms post how sad they are as their kids reach new milestones - going to kindergarten, middle school, especially those headed off to college. And I've thought to myself, "I won't be sad when mine leave. I will be so proud of the progress they've made that I will celebrate it instead."

I was sure I was going to be different than the other moms.

And I would probably still be thinking that except for something that happened this summer.

Our house was built in 1923. Slowly, but surely, we are trying to bring it into the 21st century or at least the second half of the 20th century. My daughters' bathroom still had the original tub, not a pretty claw foot that people covet, but a massive cast iron tank of a tub. This thing was big and so old that the one of the handles was marked refuse, meaning the drain. There was no way to convert it to have a shower, which is needed if you have a teenager, especially if your hair is waist length.

So a decision was made to rip out the tub and put in a shower. This ended up taking most of the summer. Until then, everyone just used my shower. When the job was finally finished and it was time to move the huge assortment of shampoos, conditioners, and soaps to their new shower, it suddenly dawned on me that, for the first time since becoming a mom, I had my own bathroom, again.

That's when it hit me! I missed them! I missed all the messes and the need for a schedule, I missed the wet towels, and pile of clothes in the floor, I missed it all and they were just down the hall from me!

Oh no! How will I handle college?

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Location, location, location

We live less than 5 minutes to my job, grocery store, downtown, and one of the hottest areas of Dallas. Great, right?

The only problem - every, single thing for my daughters is a minimum of 30 minutes away. For school, while this isn't the best, it's ok, because they stay all day, they get dropped off and then picked up 8 hours later.

Lately though, we've added more and more places they have to be.

Last year, we added Chinese school. Still no problem, as they have a class for the parents during their class.

This summer, we added drivers training school. Class lasted 2 hours, so I could drive 30 minutes to drop them off, 30 minutes home, 30 minutes back, and 30 minutes back home, or I could wait. But there was no where to go and it was incredibly hot. For someone who has a really tight schedule, this was difficult.

With the start of school has also started group projects. Because it is a charter school, the students come from all over the area and numerous cities. For the last 2 Saturdays I've been taking one daughter to meet her group, 30+ minutes away, to work on their project. Each time for about 2 hours. Ugh!

This Saturday, I'm sitting outside the school, waiting.

So I've decided I need one or both of the following -

A more comfortable car to wait in


IPad, so I can write on a larger keyboard than my phone offers!