Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Eve

Realizing that it has been more than six months since I last wrote, to say the time has flown is a terrible understatement.

We had a fantastic trip to China with Nanchang being our next to the last destination. The time in Nanchang was so emotional/critical/amazing that I feel I am still processing the details. My daughters asked that I not share the pictures of their time with their foster families and of course I will honor that. What I had not been prepared for was the impact it had on me and that is what I feel I am still working through. At some point, instead of showing their "reunions", which has become very popular among videographers/documentary makers/film makers, I will tell about the trip from my perspective. But that will come later.

When we arrived back home, my sister and nieces, along with my parents were there to greet us. It was bittersweet to return home, knowing there was still so much to see and do in China, but reality had to set back in.

My nieces were able to stay with us a few weeks in the summer and we took advantage of that time acting like tourists in our own city, enjoying the sights that we normally just speed by. Then before we could sit down, the summer was over and the girls had to go back to school on August 5.

This is their junior year which is hard to believe, even though I say it often, to actually write it down makes it more real than having lived it the last five months. This has been a difficult semester - course wise, as they both are taking physics, government, US history, then adding on pre-cal, statistics, AP art, makes my head swim, but they persevered and passed all their finals.

Now today is the last day of 2014, a time of reflection, I guess, but I don't think I will mourn the passing of this year. It has been a good year, but also very difficult, a lot has happened in the world that forces you to fight becoming cynical, there have been losses of those too young and others so unexpected, and with each passing year I feel more the effects of my own age on my body and know I have to work harder to accomplish the same things that were easier in earlier years.

For my daughters, I have immeasurable awe and pride in all they are able to accomplish, their kind and good personalities, their desire to give, rather than to receive. I tried to explain some of how I feel about them to my sister but did not do a very good job. I likened it to having a child who almost died and then relishing each milestone, recognizing that only because of the goodness of God, they were able to be here in this life to even have the milestone to face.

We talk a lot in our family about circles of friends and how one circle connects with another, in ways, initially you did not realize, but in retrospect you see. This year we celebrated 10 years of me being a mom and Grace being my daughter. 10 years.

10 years ago I never could have guessed where my life was going and had no clue just how good it could be, and it just gets better. I do catch myself holding my breath, fearful, knowing that the life I know can be shattered in an instant, and have to force myself to take a deep breath and live in the present time without borrowing trouble from the future, worries about things that may never happen.

To you, my readers, I wish for you an even better year in 2015, to find peace, love, good health, and good fortune, and to think of us often and remember us in your prayers.

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